Sometimes I Wish I Believed in a God

Today was one of those times I really wish I had a god belief.  I would love to scream and rail against that god for allowing all of life’s injustices. I would love to believe there was some devil that menacingly haunted people’s lives with gloom and destruction. Sometimes it’s difficult to walk the path of the unbeliever…looking life straight in the eye and knowing that what you see is what you get, for better or for worse.

A young woman who has been like a niece to me found out this week that the baby she is carrying (her first) has Downs Syndrome, a cleft palate, a jaw deformity, and cysts on its brain.  If she lives to term, she will only live a few hours to a day.  I was at this young woman’s wedding this past autumn, celebrating her life ahead.  My heart literally aches for the pain she is going through now.  It is a pain shared by many in her circle of family and friends.

This is when things are difficult to face as an unbeliever.  I know deep down that if there was any kind of loving god, these things wouldn’t happen.  There would not be children starving, nations murdering each other, child abuse, cancer, and a multitude of other horrors.  And, when I hear that “we’re never given more than we can bear,” I call bullshit. And, when I hear others say, “God needs her in heaven more,” I simply want to punch them in the face.  No, your god does NOT need anyone for anything…PERIOD!

When people say, “everything happens for a reason,” they are usually eluding to the fact that there is some mysterious force maneuvering the universe to create these heinous events in our lives.  I call fucking bullshit on that, too.  Yes, everything DOES happen for a reason–it’s called action and reaction–it’s quite scientific.  In this case, an extra chromosome created a deformed cell cluster, triggering a chain of catastrophic events. It’s no deep mystery, but it is fucking unfair and I can hate that it happens.

Yes, it’s days like this when I wish I believed in a god and/or a devil.  I’d love someone to blame.

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